awk
That awkward moment when your girlfriend is playing wing for your best friends soon-to-be ex wife…
Why pay a professional to perform a laparoscopic gastric bypass on you, when you could buy all the tools you need online & do it yourself?
The best thing about this gastric bypass kit is that it contains THREE full sets of everything you’ll need for a gastric bypass. After you practice on yourself to get the procedure down, you can gastric-bypass two of your friends.
happy
its amazing how one person can just turn everything around so well. I think this is the first time i’ve been happy in years.
a penny for the old guy
“eyes I dare not meet in dreams
On deaths dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are”
I was surprised, probably because I didn’t think to look until I started this blog, that there are about three hundred thousand erotic books on Kindle. One of them is called Fucking For Science: The Complete Series. As a former scientist, I’m sad to tell you that the focus is primarily not on the science. There aren’t any control groups and the margin of error is never discussed. This is probably why it was published to the erotic-stories section of Kindle instead of the American Journal Of Modern Fuck Science.
…because it’s pretentious
Its hard, sometimes, to differentiate between reflection and self delusion. That voice in your head that makes you feel so good inside, the one that makes the witty remarks you can’t, the one that convinces you how good a person you really are, the one that assures you of your moral superiority; it’s a liar. It’s your bodys way of feeling with the trauma inflicted on your psyche by insignificance. Our inner monologue is the mental equivalent of dopamine, shutting out the pain. Which brings me to why I dislike “Dexter”…
For the low price of $2012.00, you can have this obsidian healing orb. I don’t know why I didn’t buy one of these years ago. So much money for health insurance and doctor’s co-pays down the drain.
My main question here is who was manning the quality-control shift when this came through, and read the listing, and thought “Hmm, product features include repelling negative spirits? Okay, sounds legit to me.”
Product features also include “Chakras: All.” You know, so you can get rid of all those separate chakra orbs you’ve been keeping around.
CYA
They say you learn from your mistakes. It’s incredibly depressing that the one thing I keep learning from my mistakes is to not trust anyone.
One of the guys I used to know had a whiteboard he kept on his fridge with the words “NEVER FUCKING TRUST ANYONE” permanently stained into the plastic. He may have had a point.
